


I'll Be Damned

by Lo Turner-Kane (doujinbag)



Category: Sala Samobójców | Suicide Room (2011)
Genre: Angst, Funerals, M/M, Suicide, Unrequited Love, silent apologies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-23
Updated: 2014-12-23
Packaged: 2018-03-03 02:34:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2834954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doujinbag/pseuds/Lo%20Turner-Kane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You only get one shot in life.<br/>Make sure you don't regret your choices.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Be Damned

**Author's Note:**

> Suicide Room is such a fantastic film. 10/10 would recommend.
> 
> Trigger warning for suicide.

"I love you."

The words were a struggle to get past Aleks's lips, but once they escaped, he felt better. And by better, that only meant less guilty. He still felt sick in the pit of his stomach, his hands were still sweaty, the tears in his eyes were still pooling up like a river, but as long as the guilt was somewhat gone, he could live with himself.

Aleks wasn't lying when he said those three whispered words. He meant them, with every ounce of blood left in his body. Sure, there were girls he had affairs with on weekends, but Dominik was his first real love. Someone he felt he could be himself around; someone to tell secrets to hidden behind silly gestures and knowing glances in the halls. He cared about Dominik. But he was scared.

What he should've done is pulled Dominik aside, gotten his attention and told the truth. "I love you," he would have said. "I'm sorry. I'm terrified too, maybe even more than you are. But we can figure this out together. I'd like to. I'd _love_ to. Because I know I love you and I _need_ you, Dominik. I need you."

Perhaps Dominik would've smiled. Kissed him and admitted, "I love you, too." Maybe he would have punched him in the jaw and called him a bastard. Or maybe he would have merely brushed him off. But either way, something in Aleks told him that the thought of being loved would have kept Dominik from doing what he did.

Aleks closed his eyes and held his arm across his chest as he thought to himself, _You had once chance. One shot. And you fucked it up. You fucked it all up._

Aleks looked back down into the coffin that stood before him and couldn't help but reach into it, taking Dominik's cold hand one last time. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

Aleks wondered if this was what Dominik looked like as he faded away from life, or if it was simply very good artistry done by those who prepped his body for the funeral. His lips were slightly parted, his ivory eyelashes beautiful as they stood out against his ever-pale skin. But Dominik's body was wilting. And Aleks knew his soul had wilted long ago. He should have seen it. He should have helped him-

"Aleks, hurry up," the boy's mother scolded him coldly. "We don't have all year."

Aleks nodded and let go of Dominik's hand, resting it softly on his stomach once more. He tried not to notice the battlefield of deep scars leading down Dominik's arm as he leaned over and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead, a few tears slipping out of his eyes and landing on the cold skin. "I'm sorry."

At the burial, Aleks stood furthest away from the small crowd as Dominik's casket was lowered into the ground. A ripple of wind crept around his body, forcing a shiver down his spine. _It's the things we love most that kill us in the end,_ he thought. _And I'll be damned if Dominik doesn't kill me, too._

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](http://spookymileskane.tumblr.com) / [instagram](http://instagr.am/and.a.smile)


End file.
